Clutching the tissue I had just handed her, Julia’s tears continued to roll down her cheeks.
My heart went out to her as she told me that she never wanted to break her marriage...
It had been six months since she discovered that her husband wanted a divorce, but the pain felt almost as raw to her now as it had the day he announced his decision to break our marriage.
“The worst part is that I know that I pushed him away,” Julia’s voice was barely above a whisper.
For many of us, when we push away our partner, either consciously or subconsciously, we get a second chance.
But unfortunately, as in Julia’s case, often the damage that has been done is beyond repair.
trying to do it all and be everything to everybody - A Sure Way to Break Your Marriage
Julia’s story was not unlike so many other 40-something women who are trying to do it all and be everything to everybody. The stress was overwhelming.
Unfortunately, when the stress level picks up, the first person we often blame is our partner.
But looking back, Julia realized that her husband, Alan, was the one person who really deserved her appreciation rather than her condemnation.
“Of course, he wasn’t perfect,” Julia sobbed. “But I never thought I would lose him. Now he has someone else. . . “ Her voice trailed off.
Julia had come to see me for hypnotherapy for weight loss, but like so many of my clients, the excess weight that she was carrying around came with a story... Julia’s life was challenging.
When she had met Alan over a decade previously, she had fallen for him immediately.
He was charming, cute, and had a love of life that she really admired.
But fifteen years and three kids later, a mortgage, aging parents, and a stressful career had soured her perception of her “happy-go-lucky” partner.
She became bitter of her workload and resentful of the responsibility she carried.
She frequently pointed to her husband to pick up the slack and do his fair share.
Are Anger and Bitterness breaking your marriage and Pushing Your Partner Away?
Courageously, examining what had happened through the eyes of her heart, during our hypnosis sessions, she realized that she had pushed Alan away with her anger and bitterness.
Julia came to see that her preconceived idea that he wasn’t stepping up made it impossible for him to please her.
She realized that she had failed to recognize the contribution Alan was making and the fact that he was also working very hard to take care of the kids and do well at his job.
The takeaway from Julia’s experience is how important it is for all of you to appreciate the person you really love and not to break your marriage.
Fortunately, Julia’s story has a happy ending...
After mourning the dissolution of her marriage, Julia had the courage to really look at her mistakes.
She bravely examined the ways she could have handled the situation differently, including taking better care of herself—and shifting her own expectations.
Forgiving herself, she was able to let go of Alan and prepare herself to move on.
Emotional Healing...
One year later, she met Jeffrey, and together they settled down into a beautiful, loving partnership.
In a later session with Julia—who continued to use the hypnosis for emotional healing as well as weight loss—Julia shared with me the lessons she had learned.
“I completely appreciate Jeffrey and what I went through with Alan is now a blessing to both of us,” she said. “I am actually so much happier now, not only because of how Jeffrey treats me but because of how I see him. I respect him and I look at him through the eyes of respect and appreciation.”
The amazing thing is that even when Jeffrey said and did things that in the past may have been bothersome to Julia, she was able to see through those emotional reactions and relate to him from a place of non-judgment.
I am so thrilled with Julia’s transformation and I feel that her story is a lesson to all of us...
Instead of asking what your partner is doing for you, why not start the day by asking what you can do for your partner?
The More Important Questions
You may be seeing a therapist who asks you, “Are you getting your needs met by your partner?”
It may be more advantageous for your own spiritual growth to ask yourself...
Our ego thinks that the more we get, the happier we’ll be.
But as Julia has discovered, the truth is that...
The more we give, the happier we are.
There is a second part to that which is that whether you are giving or receiving, unless your heart is open, you will not be able to feel the benefits.
Opening Your Heart to be present and receptive
In other words,
it is only by opening your own heart—which only you can do—that you will be able to be fully present and receptive to your partner’s love, no matter how they express it.
So often we become critical because we see our partner through the eyes of judgment and criticism.
That’s because our own heart is closed.
Can you imagine seeing your beloved through the eyes of love?
Imagine watching your partner with an eye of appreciation and gratitude...
Look deep, beyond superficial words or actions and your own emotional reactions.
See your partner’s heart and the love inside that wants to be expressed, even if he or she lacks the ability to fully show the beauty in his or her own heart.
Most of all imagine how your partner wants to be perceived by you...
Can you bring out the hero or heroin in your beloved?
Imagine that today is your very last day to spend with this person—the one who at one time you loved with all your heart and soul...
What does your heart want your lover and partner to know?
Reach deep—find the courage that sits beyond your own emotional wounding—and give your partner the appreciation that you wish was being given to you.
Then, open your heart and feel the healing and blessing that is being sent back to you.
Bask in the Universal Truth that...
It’s impossible to give without also getting the full benefit of what you have given.
Imagine that you are one with your partner...
As you fully send his or her heart love and appreciation, open your own heart wide to receive all that you are giving and all that is being given through you.
This advice may seem counter-intuitive. Remember, you and I are made up of energy. What you give has to energetically come back to you. When you open your heart, you are creating more receptivity within yourself. The key? Faith. Patience. Trust.
Remember that no matter how you feel in this moment, you are always loved, loving and lovable. When you radiate this truth out, the world, including your partner, are bound to feel compelled to reflect the fact of your divine loving nature back to you.
