“You need to love yourself,” is advice we’ve all heard many times. To me, it often feels like a cliché.
How am I supposed to love myself, you may wonder?
Does loving yourself mean speaking your mind, buying yourself a new outfit, indulging in the temptations of chocolate cake, or going out for a glass of wine?
It’s possible that doing any of things may lift your mood, at least temporarily.
But would you necessarily feel more loved or happier in the long run? Maybe or maybe, not.
Rather than pampering yourself, perhaps truly loving yourself means having the courage to look at all the ways in which you are withholding love and keeping your emotional heart constricted.
Showering yourself with kindness and compassion includes uncovering the thoughts and actions that prevent you from perceiving and receiving love from others.
Here are...
three ways you may unconsciously not Loving Yourself and Living The Life Of Love You Desire And Deserve.
1
Over-Indulging in Harmful Temptations
Loving yourself does not mean overly indulging yourself.
When you love a child, you give that child discipline as needed.
Discipline is a part of love.
Not disciplining yourself does not mean you are loving yourself.
In fact, it’s the opposite.
When you truly love yourself, you are willing to guide yourself back from erroneous thinking or from behaving in unloving ways towards yourself and others.
Loving yourself is having the courage and discipline to self-correct.
It’s how you discipline yourself that matters – do you do it gently or with a whip?
2
Speaking to Yourself in a Harsh, Condemning Voice
The best way to learn to love yourself is to begin to witness all the ways you currently may not be behaving in a loving and respectful manner toward yourself.
Taking on that challenge, can you notice the ways you haven’t been kind to yourself, with compassion?
Is your inner voice loving?
If not...
Don’t use that fact as an excuse to beat yourself up.
Instead, make a decision to change that – to start to love yourself and to speak to yourself with kindness and respect.
3
Denying Your Degrees of Progress
Not loving yourself is reverting to black-and-white thinking.
I’m Good – I’m Bad.
I’m on a diet – I’m off a diet.
I go to the gym every day for 2 hours or I don’t exercise at all.
I love this person or I am cutting them out.
That kind of thinking sets you up for failure and pain.
Instead, a better strategy may be to make space for all your progress and your continued improvement as you continue to learn from your mistakes and move forward.
President John F. Kennedy said:
“A mistake is only an error if you fail to correct it.”
Every “mistake” gives us the opportunity to learn about ourselves.
On the journey of life, you will find many opportunities to learn to love yourself more deeply.
Each time you find yourself wanting to judge another is a wonderful time to extend compassion to yourself for the situation that feels hurtful to you.
It’s likely that when you feel neglected or treated poorly by another individual, on a deeper level, you are craving kindness and understanding from yourself.
When you truly feel worthy of love, love can no longer elude you. Love is the essence of who and what you are.
Remembering that is the key to experiencing what it’s like to love yourself and live your happiest life.
Practice and Patience
As a hypnotherapist and coach, my life’s work has been helping people lose weight permanently, and break free from addiction, but without the whip.
Being gentle with yourself takes practice and patience.
If you are like most of my clients, that’s probably not something you were taught.
In fact, you may have been encouraged to be hard on yourself—to force yourself into shape.
I have found that the most effective way to love yourself is to first honor and respect yourself.
That means noticing your thoughts and feelings without judging or needing to control them.
Loving yourself is asking yourself new questions, such as, “What am I needing in this situation?”
“What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?”
“How can I honor and respect others, while still embracing my own sacred self?”
“How can I grow and express the best parts of myself, while having deep compassion and care for the parts of me that are still afraid?”
How can you start?
Where can we begin?
By dropping into the heart. Your heart is the doorway to your vast, brilliant, creative, subconscious mind.
Place your hand on your upper chest and focus on just breathing. Connect to your Essence.
This is who you really are.
This is the part of you that already loves your magnificence.
A great place to start is by focusing here.
Every day.
