After my article “Living Your Craving-Free Life” ran in Transformation Magazine recently, I received a note from a reader, named Susan, who thanked me for the article and asked me to elaborate on the concept, “how to Uplift Yourself and how each of us is born into this world with a wound.”
Thanks, Susan!
Here’s what I am referring to when I speak of the human “wound”.
There is a place within each of us, as part of our human condition, that is a point of vulnerability—a place where we may experience insecurity or fear.
That doesn’t mean that we are broken or flawed in any way.
In fact, if you learn to relate to this part of yourself consciously, it can actually serve you to easily Uplift Yourself.
uplift yourself to a new level of happiness.
The wound has a gift in it—though we may not always see it. As long as we live our lives without awareness of our wound’s tendency to drive us to react impulsively, it has the power to wreak havoc in your life.
We can easily be triggered by life’s events and our reactions to these situations. When we’re not consciously connected to our own pre-existing feelings of insecurity, or if we’re in denial of them, then we may blame the people, places, and things in our lives for our emotional suffering.
Because our perceptions seem accurate, we then react to those situations and people as if they were the sole source of our pain.
When something happens that we don’t like, we may yell, withdraw without any communication, turn to an addictive behavior to self-soothe, or try to even the score. Any of these responses simply adds salt to your wound instead if trying to find out how to Uplift Yourself...
Connecting to Your Greater Qualities
To Uplift Yourself you have to understand that You and I are made up of energy...
Rather than bringing our energy down, the situations that trigger us can lead us to our highest qualities of love, compassion, and unity.
For that to happen,
we must recognize our inner “wound” for what it is—a part of our self that we can contain and accept without judgment. The key word is “part” – it is not who we are, as may be our greatest fear, it is only a part of who we are.
Knee-jerk reactions that aren’t based in our higher qualities of love, acceptance, and respect, do bring our energy/consciousness down. Actions coming from the wound, without self-examination, literally lower our own vibration, thus perpetuating more bad feelings.
Think of yourself as containing various levels of energy/consciousness...
At the highest level is peace, fulfillment, joy, compassion, and oneness with all of life.
At the lower levels are the painful emotions most of us wish to avoid—anger, jealousy, fear, grief, hatred, rage, emptiness, shame, and loneliness.
Unfortunately, as much as we would like to be at the highest level of love and energy all the time, that is not how we were created, and there is no magic pill to get us there.
The Human journey is such that we make choices in each and every moment that bring us either closer or further from experiencing our higher nature.
The great news is:
If we don’t like what we chose yesterday, we have an opportunity to choose again, today.
Your Reaction to Triggers...
That choice is presented when our wound is triggered by any one of the infinite life situations that can hurt us, from stubbing our toe, to struggling with our weight, to being betrayed by a loved one.
Any time you feel a “negative” emotion such as anger, anxiety, worry, or envy, your wound has been activated.
Naturally, when your wound is triggered you feel bad.
Here’s the opportunity.
If you then take action based on those painful feelings, you most likely will create more pain for yourself, because more of the same will come back to you.
It may seem as if you are simply reacting “normally” to a life situation such as being yelled at, dismissed, or betrayed, and that may be true.
But,
at a deeper level what is also happening is that your reaction to the current event in your outer life is determined to a large degree by the amount that this particular event triggers your pre-existing inner pain.
The Wound’s Perception...
When you react unconsciously to the people and life situations that trigger your wound by withdrawing, controlling, or retaliating, you actually intensify your own pain thus lowering your level of energy in that moment.
From the perspective of the wound, you are not safe – you have to protect yourself. From the wound’s point of view, if it doesn’t control others, it will be controlled and there is never enough of anything to go around.
You may over-eat reactively because the wound tells you there won’t be enough food later.
A subconscious perception of lack or wanting to escape from your feelings could drive you to indulge excessively in any substance.
Many people sabotage their relationships as a reaction to the wound’s belief system that they’re not getting enough love, attention, or security to fill their needs.
Going through your life without awareness of the nature of your wound can cause you to act in self-sabotaging ways.
On the other hand, with awareness, you have the opportunity to make new choices that will help you to live the life of happiness, safety, and peace you desire.
To do this, whenever you experience your wound being triggered (you feel bad), before you respond to whatever is happening in your outer life, take time to go within.
Learn to open your container, the vessel of your consciousness/energy, through self-hypnosis, prayer, or self-reflection.
This helps you shift your perspective and gain awareness. Then, even though the feeling of anger, hurt, or worry may still be present, it no longer takes over your entire experience or drives your behavior.
If you were an ocean of consciousness, your issue could be seen as one wave of your experience, rather than your entire body of awareness.
Choosing Your Response Consciously
From this larger vantage point, you can Uplift Yourself and you are at a greater choice point as far as your response to your life situation.
When you are open to more choices, you are more likely to respond in a way that leads you to achieve a desired outcome.
It can be helpful to recognize that this package called “life” includes growth opportunities that, though we wouldn’t choose them, can help us grow tremendously.
The road may not be easy, but it can be fulfilling...
The alternative is unconsciousness and greater suffering. Haven’t we all spent enough time behaving, speaking, and interacting unconsciously?
The pain of having your wound activated repeatedly, whether through addiction to food or substances, or your reactions to life, can be a wonderful motivator to start making new choices.
Each time you make a new, positive choice, your energy is uplifted a notch...
You may have the tendency to put yourself down. Instead, take a moment to look at the wonderful choices you have already started to make.
See the times you responded from love, strength, wisdom and right action, even in situations where you wanted to impulsively react to the injustices that triggered your wound.
Congratulate yourself and embrace your journey!
So what do we specifically need to do when we are feeling “wounded”? What does “going within” really mean? I would like to know so that when I am feeling this way, I can do for myself rather than being caught in this downward spiral.
Read the blogs and you will learn how to go within. Going within is
something you should do every day, not just when you feel wounded.
Hi Li,
When you are feeling wounded, I find the best thing to do is to offer yourself as much compassion as possible. It’s important not to judge yourself for having difficult feelings. Also, know that you are not your feelings, they are only passing through you.
You can ask yourself, what else is true? For example, “Right now I am feeling angry, lonely or sad. What else am I feeling? Can I remember what love feels like at the same time that I am feeling this anger?” You are not your feelings but you do have to contain your feelings. To do that, expand your vessel, which can be done by breathing fully and completely and seeing yourself as a ball of energy or light. The anger may be the size of a grapefruit, for example, but you are so much more.
The thoughts in your head often fuel your wounding so it can be helpful to write them down and examine them. Look for patterns and untrue statements, or generalizations. The chattering, reactive mind is so good at seeing what isn’t there, exaggerating painful scenarios, and taking things way too personally. What it’s not so good at is letting things go. To let things go, transcend challenges, and move on to a higher level of consciousness and a new perspective, it can be extremely helpful to practice self-hypnosis daily. The daily practice makes it easier to reach a state of balance and composure when we are under stress and need it the most. Regular practice of self-hypnosis also helps us to deal more easily with the reactivity of the chattering mind and our environment. Daily prayer is also very helpful. Let me know how it goes for you or how I can help you further. Warmly, Rena
Hi, Rena,
I really enjoyed reading your blog article entitled, “Uplifting Yourself”, and it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time for me. I had been out with my family all day (Sun., Oct. 2) celebrating my daughter’s 20th birthday. We took her down to St. Marks Place, a street in the East Village, where she had never been before, and turned her loose with some shopping money. BTW, for those of you who have never been there, it’s like being in the Haight-Ashbury section of San Francisco back in the Hippie days of the late 60’s/early 70’s; it is one wild street!
Anyway, to keep this as brief as possible, I mentioned to my wife several times, that if we had the opportunity, I wanted to show her the St. Marks Bookshop, which was in the area. As it turns out, we saved it for the very end of the night, at which point we were one block away, and my wife decided that she didn’t want to see it because she was too tired and her back was hurting!
Oh, the indignation! I drove all the way home pouting, and thinking that my needs were always put last, and no one paid enough attention to them. I also felt that if my wife had asked me to go see some place down there, I would have made sure that it was done. A few hours later, I was reading some of my E-mail, when she came in to say “Goodnight”. I expressed my disappointment to her and she reacted by telling me that she didn’t think it was that big a deal (my point exactly!).
As soon as she left, I scanned my E-mail list and saw “Uplifting Yourself” in today’s mail and opened it right away, as it sounded like something I needed to read. As it turns out, it was totally perfect for the situation that had occurred, and I started to feel a little “untwisted” as I read it. I realized, of course, that I had been reacting from totally within the “wound”, and it did feel like the only and natural way to react to it. I read it over a second time, then did some self-reflecting, and managed to ease a lot of the pain, for now. Thank you so much for the help.
I have one important thing to ask you, though. Besides just “overlooking it”, what are some of the ways that you can
take something positive away from it? You mention “make new choices” and “grow” from it, several times, but I am still struggling, trying to determine exactly how to do that. Is there anyway you might be able to give me some examples? I really do want to learn how to get out of these negative frames of mind more quickly and start to grow. I would appreciate any help that you could supply.
Thanks again for the great article and I look forward to reading some more of your posts in the near future. As it is now just after 2:00 A.M. EST on Monday, I will say ‘Goodnight’ and wish you and your readers a good week ahead.
Gratefully yours,
Marc G.
Hi Marc, I have been thinking about you and your struggle. This is
something you will work out for yourself. All the answers to your
questions are in the articles, read as if they are written for and to you, put yourself in them. Self hypnosis will help a lot.
Hope something will happen for you soon. Write a comment about how
you are doing.